Letting Our Kids Choose Their Own Path

One of the biggest things I am learning in this season of motherhood is that my children’s paths do not have to look the way I would have chosen for them.

That can be difficult as a parent because we spend so many years teaching our children, guiding them, protecting them, and trying to prepare them for life. We want them to make good choices. We want them to be happy, secure, and fulfilled. We also want to help them avoid some of the mistakes we made.

As they get older, though, we have to begin doing something that can feel much harder than guiding them. We have to let them choose for themselves.

I have three children, and they are all very different. They have different personalities, strengths, interests, and ideas about what they want their lives to look like. I have learned that what works for one child may not work for another.

One child may know exactly what they want to do, while another may need more time to figure things out. One may choose college, while another may choose work, a trade, or a path I never would have thought of.

I am learning to be okay with that.

I do not want my children to live a certain kind of life simply because it looks good on paper or because it is what other people expect from them. I want them to become who they are.

I want them to discover what they are good at, what they care about, what gives them purpose, and what kind of life feels right for them.

I also want them to understand that there is no single timeline they have to follow. They do not have to have everything figured out by a certain age. They do not have to move at the same pace as their friends. They do not have to stay on a path just because they started down it.

It is okay to change direction.

It is okay to try something and realize it is not the right fit.

It is okay to take a little more time to figure things out.

That said, I do have one rule for my children.

They need to be doing something.

They can work, go to school, learn a trade, pursue a goal, build something, or try something new. They can take time to figure out what comes next, but I want them to keep moving forward.

I want them to stay engaged in their own lives. I want them to keep learning, growing, trying, and taking responsibility for where they are headed.

To me, there is a difference between giving our children the freedom to choose their own path and giving them permission to stop participating in their own lives.

I do not expect them to have all the answers, but I do expect them to keep trying.

As a mom, I will always have opinions. I will always see things that I wish I could protect them from. I will probably always want to offer advice, even when they do not ask for it.

I am still learning when to speak and when to be quiet. I am still learning when to step in and when to step back. I am also learning that sometimes the best thing I can do is trust the foundation we gave them and allow them to make their own decisions.

That requires faith too.

There are times when I have to remind myself that their lives are not mine to control. I can guide them, encourage them, support them, and tell them the truth when they need to hear it, but I cannot live their lives for them.

At some point, I have to trust them.

I also have to trust God with them.

That may be one of the hardest parts of parenting older children.

When they were little, I could hold their hands and lead them where I thought they needed to go. Now, I have to learn how to stand beside them instead.

I have to let them choose the road, even if it is not the road I would have picked for them. I have to allow them to learn from their own experiences and grow in their own time.

Most of all, I have to believe that becoming who they truly are is more important than becoming who I once imagined they might be.

Their story belongs to them, and I have the privilege of being their mom while they write it.

So yes, I have one rule.

They need to do something.

They need to keep learning, working, trying, growing, and moving forward, even if they are still figuring out exactly where they are going.

They do not have to have their whole lives mapped out today.

They just need to take the next step.

And I will be here, learning how to cheer them on without trying to hold the map for them.

For those of you who are parenting older kids, how do you balance giving them freedom while still encouraging them to keep moving forward?

This Season of Life — motherhood, marriage, faith, and the adventure of becoming.